Rowdy
Well-Known Member
Most Newcastle Mum's get their kids swimming lessons once a fortnight.
We just call it 'taking a bath'.
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Jokes
- Thread starter Melsy - One step
- Start date
Most Newcastle Mum's get their kids swimming lessons once a fortnight.
We just call it 'taking a bath'.
midfielder
Well-Known Member
Two blokes talking..
Bloke 1 says ... did you notice how they have changed the registration numbers on condoms recently.
Bloke 2 says ... I have never seen a registration number on a condom are you sure you know what you are talking about.
Bloke 1 says .... if you roll the condom out fully it's at the end ...
Bloke 1 says ... did you notice how they have changed the registration numbers on condoms recently.
Bloke 2 says ... I have never seen a registration number on a condom are you sure you know what you are talking about.
Bloke 1 says .... if you roll the condom out fully it's at the end ...
JoyfulPenguin
Well-Known Member
What type of car does Yoda drive?
A Toyyoda
What do you call a musical solo from Chubacca's friend?
A Han Solo
Where does Darth Vader get his clothes?
The Darth Maul
A Toyyoda
What do you call a musical solo from Chubacca's friend?
A Han Solo
Where does Darth Vader get his clothes?
The Darth Maul
MagpieMariner
Well-Known Member
I was going to write about procrastinating, but I put it off until next week.
JoyfulPenguin
Well-Known Member
I once told a joke about a broken pair of Bluetooth headphones.
It didn't work remotely well.
It didn't work remotely well.
MagpieMariner
Well-Known Member
A husband and wife were experiencing problems after 30 years of marriage. They decided to see a counsellor to resolve their issues.
The counsellor asked what the problem was. The wife launched into a huge, passionate tirade on every single issue she’d had for the last three decades.
He was neglectful, she explained. There was no intimacy. She felt lonely; unloved; unloveable. She had persevered for so long with her physical and emotional needs unmet, but no more. Enough was enough.
The marriage counsellor nodded, got up, walked to the wife and asked her to stand.
Suddenly, he embraced her, giving the most passionate, steamy, open-mouthed kiss she had ever received. It continued for a full minute as the husband watched on benignly.
She stumbled backwards into her seat, breathless and dazed.
The counsellor turned to the husband and said: “Your wife will need this at least three times a week. Can you manage this?”
After a moment’s consideration, the husband replied: “Well I can drop her off here Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays I go fishing”.
The counsellor asked what the problem was. The wife launched into a huge, passionate tirade on every single issue she’d had for the last three decades.
He was neglectful, she explained. There was no intimacy. She felt lonely; unloved; unloveable. She had persevered for so long with her physical and emotional needs unmet, but no more. Enough was enough.
The marriage counsellor nodded, got up, walked to the wife and asked her to stand.
Suddenly, he embraced her, giving the most passionate, steamy, open-mouthed kiss she had ever received. It continued for a full minute as the husband watched on benignly.
She stumbled backwards into her seat, breathless and dazed.
The counsellor turned to the husband and said: “Your wife will need this at least three times a week. Can you manage this?”
After a moment’s consideration, the husband replied: “Well I can drop her off here Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays I go fishing”.
MagpieMariner
Well-Known Member
A ninety-year-old man visited his doctor one day and told him that he'd just married a twenty-year-old cheerleader. "We want to have children," he told the doctor, "so I need you to give me some tips on how best to make sure that happens."
The doctor hastily turned a laugh into a cough then said "Well, I know you have the mechanics down pat because your kids and grand-kids are patients here, so that's OK. My best suggestion for you is, get a young helper."
The old man creakily got to his feet, a big smile on his face. "That's a great idea Doc, thanks very much. I'll do just that." Then with almost a skip in his steps, he went home.
Several weeks later, the doctor met the old man in the street. "How are you?" he said. "How's the wife and young helper?"
The old man smiled and said "Never better Doc, both pregnant!"
The doctor hastily turned a laugh into a cough then said "Well, I know you have the mechanics down pat because your kids and grand-kids are patients here, so that's OK. My best suggestion for you is, get a young helper."
The old man creakily got to his feet, a big smile on his face. "That's a great idea Doc, thanks very much. I'll do just that." Then with almost a skip in his steps, he went home.
Several weeks later, the doctor met the old man in the street. "How are you?" he said. "How's the wife and young helper?"
The old man smiled and said "Never better Doc, both pregnant!"
midfielder
Well-Known Member
A man walks into a Parliament office and says to the receptionist,
"I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections to be a Green M.P."
The receptionist replied, "Certainly sir. Please fill in this form.''
He was filling the form OK until he came to the question - ''Are you circumcised?''
So he asked the receptionist, "Is this question necessary?"
She replied, "If you are circumcised you are not eligible."
He then asked, "What difference does it make if I am circumcised?"
She replied, "To become a Green MP you have to be a complete dick.
"I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections to be a Green M.P."
The receptionist replied, "Certainly sir. Please fill in this form.''
He was filling the form OK until he came to the question - ''Are you circumcised?''
So he asked the receptionist, "Is this question necessary?"
She replied, "If you are circumcised you are not eligible."
He then asked, "What difference does it make if I am circumcised?"
She replied, "To become a Green MP you have to be a complete dick.
style_cafe
Well-Known Member
Paddy & Mick were talking about dogs.
Paddy says to Mick, "I might get myself one of those Labradors, they`re a fine dog"
Mick reply`s "Jesus Paddy no!! Have you seen how many Labrador owners go blind!"
Paddy says to Mick, "I might get myself one of those Labradors, they`re a fine dog"
Mick reply`s "Jesus Paddy no!! Have you seen how many Labrador owners go blind!"
midfielder
Well-Known Member
NATO sources are advising Russian President Vladimir Putin has advised Europe to get in hams for Christmas because there will be no Turkey.
midfielder
Well-Known Member
OK it is Friday. let me try a joke (of course its carbon dated)
A father and young son walk in to a pharmacy where some packages of condoms are on display.
Son: What is the packet of three for ?
Father: They are for high school students. One is for Friday night, one for Saturday night and one
for Sunday night.
Son: What is the packet of six for ?
Father: They are for University students.Two are for Friday night, two for Saturday night, and two
for Sunday night.
Son: What then is the packet of twelve for ?
Father: They are for married people. One is for January,
A father and young son walk in to a pharmacy where some packages of condoms are on display.
Son: What is the packet of three for ?
Father: They are for high school students. One is for Friday night, one for Saturday night and one
for Sunday night.
Son: What is the packet of six for ?
Father: They are for University students.Two are for Friday night, two for Saturday night, and two
for Sunday night.
Son: What then is the packet of twelve for ?
Father: They are for married people. One is for January,
midfielder
Well-Known Member
Forum Phoenix
Well-Known Member
VicMariner
Well-Known Member
The price of lamb has gone up in NZ.
It's now $7 per minute.
It's now $7 per minute.
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