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Jokes

nearlyyellow

nearlyyellow

Well-Known Member
Soccer Definition: A game consisting of 22 skilled players, one impartial referee, two eagle eyed referee’s assistants and one stupid ball.
 
dibo

dibo

Well-Known Member
What's the difference between a poodle humping your leg and a rottweiler humping your leg?

You'd let the rottweiler finish.
 
dibo

dibo

Well-Known Member
What's the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?

An etymologist knows the difference.
 
dibo

dibo

Well-Known Member
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer and so on.

After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "you fellas ought to know your limits."
 
midfielder

midfielder

Well-Known Member
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"

"Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."

The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."
 
midfielder

midfielder

Well-Known Member
I'd tell you a joke about a roof, but it'd just go over your head.


I'd tell you a joke about a blunt knife, but it probably wouldn't cut it.


I'd tell you a joke about a ghost but you'd see right through it.
 
midfielder

midfielder

Well-Known Member
The shovel was a ground breaking invention

When you have a bladder infection ‘urine’ trouble

How do you make a Budweiser? You send him to school.
 
dibo

dibo

Well-Known Member
Heard a joke on 702 this morning.

What's the difference between a shopping trolley and a politician?

You can get more food in a politician and a shopping trolley has a mind of its own.
 
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