Jokes

[midfielder]

Don't know why but I tho of D when I read this...

http://www.27bslash6.com/f26a.html


Not bad either

http://www.27bslash6.com/missy.html

 

[dibo]

"tho" is an abbreviation for "though".

 

[midfielder]

A rope walked into a restaurant and ordered a milkshake. The waiter said “Are you a rope?” The rope said “Yes.” The waiter said “We don’t serve ropes.” So, the rope went out and burnt off his ends and tied himself into a knot. The rope went back into the restaurant and ordered a milkshake. The waiter asked “Are you a rope?”. The rope said “No, I’m a frayed knot.” [sorry got hit on the head by a car when I was 10]

 

[VicMariner]

Two baby seals walked into a club.......

 

[midfielder]

The Sixth grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up and angrily said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that!"

"I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases to ten times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

One, you have a dirty mind;

Two, you did not read your homework assignment; and

Three, someday you are going to be very, very disappointed

 

[midfielder]

What's more unstable than a Carbon-11 isotope?


Perth Glory's locker room

 

[sydmariner]

What's more unstable than a Carbon-11 isotope?


Perth Glory's locker room

 

[dibo]

I've just entered myself in a contortionist competition.

 

[sydmariner]

I've just entered myself in a contortionist competition.

wtf

 

[sydmariner]

Q: How do scummers learn sex education

A: (see video below)

 

[midfielder]

Helps if you lived it ... was a classic of its day ... and much of the style has been copied ... BTW no vid just the stage bit ... all 18 minutes of it ... its an anti war joke and you won't get that until the last few minutes...

 

[true believer]

blind cricket

 

[midfielder]

I received a photo of a perfume that was called CONVICTION bys schapelle corby, and the slogan writing below said, "for a woman who has lost her appeal

 

[dibo]

One of your best Middy.

 

[dibo]

Topical -

What do you get if you cross a ball and Emile Heskey?

A goal kick.

 

[sydmariner]

I received a photo of a perfume that was called CONVICTION bys schapelle corby, and the slogan writing below said, "for a woman who has lost her appeal

 

[dibo]

So, this skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and a mop."

 

[dibo]

An Englishman is being shown around a Scottish hospital.

At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to examine the first man he sees, and the man proclaims:

Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain e' the puddin' race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
painch tripe or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o' a grace
as lang's my arm.

The Englishman, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient, and immediately the patient launches into:

Some hae meat, and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
And sae the Lord be thankit.

This continues with the next patient:

Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous beastie,
O what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
wi' bickering brattle.
I wad be laith to run and chase thee,
wi' murdering prattle!"

"Well," the Englishman mutters to his Scottish colleague, "I see you saved the psychiatric ward for the last."

"Nay, nay," the Scottish doctor corrected him, "this is the Serious Burns unit."

 

[midfielder]

A man is about to enter a meeting at work when he realizes that he forgot some important paperwork. He calls home so that his wife can retrieve them. The maid answers the phone and says that his wife is busy. He demands that the maid put his wife on the phone. The maid informs the man that his wife is in bed with the gardener. The man goes nuts, and offers the maid one million dollars to shoot them both. The maid agrees and he soon hears two gunshots. The maid returns to the phone and he asks her what happened. The maid says she shot his wife in bed and the gardener ran, so she shot him by the pool. The man says, "……. Pool??? ……. Is this 555-4320???"

 

[sydmariner]