Jokes

[dibo]

Did you hear about the chicken with lettuce over its eyes?

Chicken sees a salad.

 

[MagpieMariner]

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."

 

[dibo]

A skeleton walks into a bar and says "I'll have a beer and a mop".

 

[sydmariner]

A horse walks into a bar & the bartender says to him, "why the long face".

 

[Rowdy]

Bears & Rabbits ....hmmm?

One day, a Bear was wandering the woods when the sudden urge to take a shit overcame him. He moved off into some bushes for some privacy, squatted-down and began to take the shit he so desperately needed.

He glanced over his shoulder and saw a Rabbit, also taking a shit. The Rabbit gave an acknowledging 'nod' of his head as they both continued unloading their bowels.

The Bear said to the Rabbit that he quite enjoyed the tranquility of 'shitting in the woods' except for the fact that in being a Bear, his 'shit would sometimes stick to his fur'.

The Bear then asked the Rabbit if he ever experienced the same problem? The Rabbit replied "Nope, can't say I've ever had the problem of shit sticking to my fur!"

And with that, the Bear reached over - picked up the Rabbit & proceeded to wipe his arse !

So, in the future if anyone asks you
"Does a Bear shit in the woods?"
You can reply "Yes, preferably if there's a rabbit around!"
"Whad'a'ya mean if there's a rabbit around????" Bada Bing, Bada Boom

 

[dibo]

Heard that joke a few times, always wondered what the good of a rabbit is if the shit doesn't stick to its fur...

 

[nearlyyellow]

Whaddya reckon chairs are thinking all day long?


Shit, here comes another arsehole.

 

[dibo]

 

[Rowdy]

Turtle Recall, loved that movie

 

[midfielder]

I got a new mobile phone for my wife today.
I thought it was a fair trade.

Thats hhhmmmmm

 

[MilhouseGumble]

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
   

 

[Capn Gus Bloodbeard]

A boy wants to impress his very first girlfriend, he figures the best way to do it is to take his girlfriend to prom.

To make the night special, he needs a few things.
First, he goes to a suit shop. There are alot of other boys there waiting in line to get a suit. The boy waits in line, and eventually gets his suit.


Next, he goes to a flower shop. There are alot of boys there waiting i'm line to buy flowers too. The boy waits in line and eventually gets his flowers.

Next the boy goes to a car dealer that rented out limos. There was a huge line there too. The boy was very patient i'm line and eventually rented the limo.

The night of the prom arrived. The boy and his girlfriend danced and had a wonderful time. The girl got thirsty and asked the boy to get her some punch. He went to the serving table and there was no punch line.

I kid you not - I logged in purely so I could rate this one. I'm going to steal it.

 

[nearlyyellow]

tyred

I *like* your spelling.

Oh, and the jokes, well ... OK, old, but still raise a smile.

 

[sydmariner]

 

[Rowdy]

(Straight fr/ the twitter account of the one & only "Mr Food'ball" himself)

Les Murray ‏@lesmurraySBS

"My suggestion to make AFL more entertaining and less predictable. Narrow the goal, restrict its height and put nets up. Too easy to score."

 

[dibo]

“My dad has two penises,” young Eddie tells his buddies.

“That’s impossible. Nobody has two penises.” replies Eddie’s friend Johnny.

“No, really… it’s true. He has a little one that he uses to go to the bathroom, and a big one that he uses to brush the babysitter’s teeth.”

 

[FFC Mariner]

I recently hired a feminist hooker, was ok really. I had to suck myself off but at least she paid half

 

[midfielder]

Oldie but still a goodie...

Q How do you save a Jets fan from drowning

A Take your foot off his head...

 

[sydmariner]

Lol I didn't think that they could even swim

 

[MagpieMariner]

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex any more....a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband!