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Jokes

FFC Mariner

Well-Known Member
How do you make a duck sing?




Stick it in the oven until its bill withers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIdIqbv7SPo
 

midfielder

Well-Known Member
Dibo this is for you..

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.

'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'

A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'
 

midfielder

Well-Known Member
Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening. The last thing they do is put their cat out.

The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in.

Terry returns inside to chase it out. Brenda, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, 'My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'

Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, 'Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out!'
 

hasbeen

Well-Known Member
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"
 

kevrenor

Well-Known Member
hasbeen said:
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"

Get the accent right (stolen from fb):

Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.

Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi' us."...

(declaration: my dad was born in Oldham Lancs, which is nowt Yorkshire but too damn close)
 

serious14

Well-Known Member
kevrenor said:
Get the accent right (stolen from fb):

Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi' us."...

(declaration: my dad was born in Oldham Lancs, which is nowt Yorkshire but too damn close)

Shit..... I need to get out of this place, I've been using those words for months now.  :eek:

"'Ent nowt like a neet art en 'tarn like".  ;)
 

radar

Well-Known Member
radar said:
Dr Nick said:
my life with the ladies is just like a rollercoaster - weight restrictions apply

you must be this tall to ride

midget-woman.jpg
 

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