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Jokes

serious14

Well-Known Member
Part_Timer said:
Unlucky for you being a Liverpool supporter your opinion means nothing to me... But I'll be sure to go cry that you indeed "zinged" me

Pretty sure that's a reverse zing right there.  ;)
 

Sym

Well-Known Member
hey how many epl's has gerrard won ? how many has Robbie Slater won ?
heh

thanks Serious for that

uhm a real joke you ask ?

melbournes titlle defense :p

or me being pissed as
 

hasbeen

Well-Known Member
I got a letter from the Origami Association this morning .... I don't know what to make of it ...
 

hasbeen

Well-Known Member
Failed my driving test again with the Newcastle School of Motoring ... just can't master breaking into a car in under 7 seconds ...
 

FFC Mariner

Well-Known Member
hasbeen said:
I got a letter from the Origami Association this morning .... I don't know what to make of it ...

Actually made me laugh out loud - a Tommy Cooper classic by the sound of it.
 

FFC Mariner

Well-Known Member
From the great man himself

A man goes into the doctors. The doctor says, 'Go over to the window and stick your tongue out.'
Man says, Why?  The doctor says, 'I don't like my neighbours'

Each year it was the custom for the very best performers to appear at the Royal Command Performance.  At the end of the show the very best of the best were introduced to the Queen.

'Did you think I was funny?', Tommy Cooper asked the Queen.
'Yes, very funny Tommy', replied the Queen.

'Did your Mother think I was funny?', Tommy asked.
'Yes, she laughed non-stop', said the Queen

'Would you mind if I ask a personal question?', Tommy asked.
'No, you can ask, but I am not be able to answer', the Queen Replied

'Who are you supporting in the Cup Final?', asked Tommy.
'Neither, I am impartial' , said the Queen. '

'In that case, ... ' said Tommy, '....do you mind if I have your Cup Final Tickets?'
 

Azza-Mataz

Well-Known Member
prefer Benny Hill tbh

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.

I'm not against half-naked girls...well, not as often as I'd like to be.

Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are already born?

Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?
 

hasbeen

Well-Known Member
Benny Hill ...
Man at table to Waiter: "I've changed my mind about the chicken soup, I think I'll have the pea soup instead" ..
Waiter (shouting) to the kitchen: "Hold the chicken and make it pea" ...
 

hasbeen

Well-Known Member
One of life's great mysteries ... How come a woman can fit an 8" cock into a 1" hole in total darkness .. but can't fit a 10 foot car into a 25 foot parking space in broad f***ing daylight .. ?
 

midfielder

Well-Known Member
hasbeen said:
One of life's great mysteries ... How come a woman can fit an 8" cock into a 1" hole in total darkness .. but can't fit a 10 foot car into a 25 foot parking space in broad f***ing daylight .. ?

LOL
 

hasbeen

Well-Known Member
Dear Kyle & Jackie O,
I am 15 and pregnant and my parents dont know. They haven't met my boyfriend. He is bisexual and HIV positive and he also has Tourettes. He is married and is 20 years older than me. He deals drugs and carries a gun. He lives in a squat and is just out of jail and he likes animal porn. My problem is how do I tell my parents that he is a Jets supporter
 

Kareem

Well-Known Member
is that joke popular atm?
I heard it last week except bout Lebs (and addressed to Oprah)...needless to say I found it distasteful...but when this is version is much better :p  :vhappy:
 

hasbeen

Well-Known Member
My son came home from school looking all excited.
"I got an B on my reading test," he told me.
"That's a f***ing D," I replied.
 

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