Hagar the Horrible
Well-Known Member
You left out BUBBLY.FFC Mariner said:
-
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Jokes
- Thread starter Melsy - One step
- Start date
J
jiggles
Guest
Gopher of Pern said:
Calm down, calm down. Never said it was bad. I said it made me sad...never said it didn't make me zofl either...
Hagar the Horrible
Well-Known Member
no, the standard progression is curvy, cuddly, bubbly~Floss~ said:
Capn Gus Bloodbeard
Well-Known Member
LOVES TO COOK = weighs 185 kg
SLIM = weights 195kg
SLIM = weights 195kg
kevrenor
Well-Known Member
Ah, choice of boards ... but this one is probably most appropriate for this:
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/198875-top-10-player-attacks-in-world-football
It is almost worth seeing Danny there to see 'the squirrel grip' feature!
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/198875-top-10-player-attacks-in-world-football
It is almost worth seeing Danny there to see 'the squirrel grip' feature!
midfielder
Well-Known Member
Little Zachary was doing very badly in maths. His parents had tried everything. Tutors, Mentors, flash cards, Special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his maths.
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother Hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.
To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an "A" in maths. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. "Well, then," she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?"
Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't f**king around."
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother Hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.
To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an "A" in maths. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. "Well, then," she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT ALREADY?"
Little Zachary looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't f**king around."
priorpeter
Well-Known Member
Freddy Fittler, after round 10 and with the Roosters struggling, finally decided he needed a bit of help with his coaching... so he wandered down to have a chat with Wayne Bennett at training...
He said "Wayne... I need help, tell me what I can do to turn this poor form around!!!"
Wayne said "Look, Freddy, youve been around a long time...but Ill give you a tip. You have to make your players intelligent... Wait, Ill explain."
Bennett says "Wendell, come over here big fella! Who is your mother and father's child, but its not your brother or sister?"
The Big Dell has a little chuckle and says "Thats easy...its ME!", and he jogged back off to the boys.
Fittler is amazed...so he takes his new advice back to training.
"Braith" he says..."Come over here, mate?! Got a question for ya! Who is your mother and father's child, but its not your brother or sister...?"
Braith looks really puzzled...concedes and says "Freddy, give me some time to think about it and Ill get back to ya!"
Freddy says "Alright. Ill ask you again tomorrow."
Braith is really confused that night and decides to ask Gus Gould...he's a smart fella. So he calls him up...
"Gus, its Braith, I got a question mate... Who is your mother and fathers child, but its not your brother or sister...?! Its really got me puzzled."
Gus says... "Thats easy mate, its ME!" Braith is a happy boy, so he goes back to training the next day ready to deliver the goods.
Braith goes up to Freddy and Freddy asks the question again...
"Alright Braith, who's your mother and fathers child but its not your brother or sister!!!"
Braith lets out a grin and says "Thats too easy; I should have got it straight away!!! Its Gus Gould!!!!"
Fittler snaps back knowing his team now has no hope at all for 2009...
"No, you idiot!!! Its Wendell Sailor!!!"
He said "Wayne... I need help, tell me what I can do to turn this poor form around!!!"
Wayne said "Look, Freddy, youve been around a long time...but Ill give you a tip. You have to make your players intelligent... Wait, Ill explain."
Bennett says "Wendell, come over here big fella! Who is your mother and father's child, but its not your brother or sister?"
The Big Dell has a little chuckle and says "Thats easy...its ME!", and he jogged back off to the boys.
Fittler is amazed...so he takes his new advice back to training.
"Braith" he says..."Come over here, mate?! Got a question for ya! Who is your mother and father's child, but its not your brother or sister...?"
Braith looks really puzzled...concedes and says "Freddy, give me some time to think about it and Ill get back to ya!"
Freddy says "Alright. Ill ask you again tomorrow."
Braith is really confused that night and decides to ask Gus Gould...he's a smart fella. So he calls him up...
"Gus, its Braith, I got a question mate... Who is your mother and fathers child, but its not your brother or sister...?! Its really got me puzzled."
Gus says... "Thats easy mate, its ME!" Braith is a happy boy, so he goes back to training the next day ready to deliver the goods.
Braith goes up to Freddy and Freddy asks the question again...
"Alright Braith, who's your mother and fathers child but its not your brother or sister!!!"
Braith lets out a grin and says "Thats too easy; I should have got it straight away!!! Its Gus Gould!!!!"
Fittler snaps back knowing his team now has no hope at all for 2009...
"No, you idiot!!! Its Wendell Sailor!!!"
Federal Court Ruling from the Sydney Morning Herald, Australia
A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday
when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge
initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody
law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the
degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him
more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When
the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried
out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning
that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the
judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who
should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child
welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the NSW State
of Origin team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating
anyone.
A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday
when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge
initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody
law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the
degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him
more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When
the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried
out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning
that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the
judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who
should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child
welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the NSW State
of Origin team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating
anyone.
midfielder
Well-Known Member
hasbeen said:
LOL... BTW youtube of Con's CEO
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AnYtHKqEcc&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fmarinators.net%2Fforum%2Findex.php%3Ftopic%3D3788.0&feature=player_embedded
BrisRecky
I'm an idiot savant without the pesky savant bit
THE THINGS YOU GET IN EMAILS.....
Q. What is the difference between a Drug Dealer and a Hooker?
A. A Hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your Mother-In-Law backing off a cliff in your new car.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What's the definition of 'Macho'?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a Guy can do it alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What do Tupperware and a Walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What do a Christmas tree and a Priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?
A. About three inches.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What's the difference between a Girlfriend and a Wife?
A: 45 pounds.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What's the difference between a Boyfriend and a Husband?
A: 45 minutes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don't have balls to scratch!
Q. What is the difference between a Drug Dealer and a Hooker?
A. A Hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your Mother-In-Law backing off a cliff in your new car.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What's the definition of 'Macho'?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a Guy can do it alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What do Tupperware and a Walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What do a Christmas tree and a Priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?
A. About three inches.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What's the difference between a Girlfriend and a Wife?
A: 45 pounds.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What's the difference between a Boyfriend and a Husband?
A: 45 minutes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don't have balls to scratch!
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Arsene Wenger is not worried about his lack of transfers this summer as he has internal solutions - 1 hour ago
Alexander Song Billong likes this
Visakri Diaby likes this
Denilson likes this
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joleon Lescott has to go to work tomorrow : ( 13 minutes ago
Craig Bellamy has joined the group Money is ruining football
- Benjani likes this
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alberto Aquilani: Oh no! I've just had my new house robbed!!!
Steven Gerrard, Jerzy Dudek, John-Arne Riise, Lucas Leiva, Dirk Kuyt, Peter Crouch, Jose Reina and Daniel Agger like this
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Album: Sat'day random drinks n' antics LOLZ
Ledley King has been tagged
---------------------------------------
Ashley C can't find his fone, can some1 give it a buzz for us?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Roque Santa Cruz is looking forward to starting on Saturday
Craig Bellamy is looking forward to starting on Saturday
Carlos Tevez is looking forward to starting on Saturday
Emmanuel Adebayor is looking forward to starting on Saturday
Robinho is looking forward to starting on Saturday
Benjani is looking forward to starting on Saturday
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Steven Gerrard hopes his 'groin' injury clears in time for Sunday lolz
Yesterday at 20:03 Comment Like
Ben Foster Ditto lolz
------------------------------------------
Joleon Lescott became a fan of money.
Gareth Barry likes this
-------------------------------
Marcus Bent is hoping to start at Old Trafford - 1 hour ago
Sir Alex Ferguson Likes This.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Andy Goram became friends with Andy Goram
-------------------------------------------------------
Jamie Redknapp is literally on facebook
--------------------------------------------------
Frank Lampard is LOLing at Stevie G - 3 hours ago 3 comments
-Steven Gerrard f**k off Lamps lol
-Rio Ferdinand oi oi epic banter lads
-Steven Gerrard did he dedicate the banter to his Mum lol
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Mike Ashley My evil plan is almost complete.
Niall Quinn & Peter Reid like this.
-------------------------------------
Glen Johnson is looking at new toilet seats in B&Q
------------------------------------------------------------
Tomas Rosicky is fit and loving life! can't wait for the new season 1 week ago
Tomas Rosisky is depressed :Sad: 3 days ago
---------------------------------------------
Samir Nasri is watching Top Gear on Dave. Cheers Abou :Sad:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David Moyes is skint
Mark Hughes likes this
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Didier Drogba poked Jens Lehmann 3 years ago
Jens Lehmann went down holding his face
-------------------------------------------------------
marinermick
Well-Known Member
Q. How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Three. One to change the bulb, one to collect the 'Official Manchester United Commemorative Lightbulb-Changing DVD & T-Shirt' set, and another to drive them all home to Torquay.
A. Three. One to change the bulb, one to collect the 'Official Manchester United Commemorative Lightbulb-Changing DVD & T-Shirt' set, and another to drive them all home to Torquay.
A group of friars decide that they need to do something other than religious work to make a living. They decide to start a florist. The florist is so successful that the town's other florist starts to lose business. THis other florist decide that they need to shut down the friars' shop down, and so they hire Hugh McTaggert, the biggest thug in town. One night, he goes to the friars' florist, smashes the windows, robs the register and takes the flowers. The next day, the friars are forced to shut down their shop. It just goes to show that
...
...
...
only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
...
...
...
only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Part_Timer
Well-Known Member
the amount of whinging on this forum..
Azza-Mataz
Well-Known Member
Part_Timer's Ego
Part_Timer
Well-Known Member
Unlucky for you being a Liverpool supporter your opinion means nothing to me... But I'll be sure to go cry that you indeed "zinged" me
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