Jokes

[hasbeen]

Man goes into a library in Glasgow ...
Man: I'd like tae borrow a book on suicide.
Librarian: F**K off you'll no bring it back ..

 

[Redline]

THere's a couple of hot European lesbians living next door. I think their English must be poor. I said I wanted to watch, and they gave me a Rolex.

 

[jiggles]

What do you call a 3 legged donkey?

A wonkey...



*cough*

 

[kevrenor]

only those of a certain 'ilk' will get this one ...

US President Barack Obama is visiting a hospital in Glasgow Scotland:

He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness,

He greets one.

The patient replies:



Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm.



He is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.

The next patient responds:



Some hae meat an canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit.



Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the President moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:



Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle



Now seriously troubled, Obama turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, 'Is this a psychiatric ward?'


'No,' replies the doctor, 'this is the serious Burns unit.

 

[dibo]

that's a shocker chris!

 

[Arabmariner]

Taken from one of the arab forums during a discussion on whether Tannadice should be renamed for a wad of cash ie ANZ stadium etc etc

One poster wrote....

No problems with it at all........Welcome to Durex stadium where visiting teams get f**ked!

 

[bill gates]

good joke mate 
yeah that was a good one  8)

 

[bill gates]

anyone on line

 

[bill gates]

bit of a rainey day aye

 

[bill gates]

good day for soccer

 

[jiggles]

anyone on line

foad plz.

 

[midfielder]

13 year old virgin Newcastle girl, goes to a counselor and asks... Do you think my Dad is gay?? 

 

[MrCelery]

There are three premiership teams stranded in a desert
- Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal. They have
been there for one week when they finally come across
a dead camel. The Man United players say 'As we're
ManCHESTer United, we'll have the chest.' The Liverpool
players say 'As we're LIVERpool, we'll have the liver.'
'We're not hungry,' say the Arsenal players.

 

[Azza-Mataz]

There are three premiership teams stranded in a desert
- Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal. They have
been there for one week when they finally come across
a dead camel. The Man United players say 'As we're
ManCHESTer United, we'll have the chest.' The Liverpool
players say 'As we're LIVERpool, we'll have the liver.'
'We're not hungry,' say the Arsenal players.

lol good one!

 

[Sacko]

I'd have thought that Manure would have gone for the camel toe, as there are bunch of c**ts! 

 

[trev]

hehe what did 1 leg of the hooker say to the other
Nothing they have never met

 

[bathurstmariner]

Mariners performance vs Kawasaki Frontale

 

[T]

And it was this time during the darkest days of christianity, he was nailed to the cross and raised up for all to gaze upon his tortured and twisted body. He looked down wearily at his 12 apostles and speaking softly with his last gasping breath said unto them...








Don't touch my f**kin easter eggs, I'll be back on Monday.

 

[T]

A Hillbilly was screweing his sister & she started laughing....
He asked "whats so funny?"
She said, "u screw like Dad." He replied:
"Yeah, thats what Mum said"

 

[Sym]

pfft bwahahhaha that may just be the most inbred joke ever