Jokes

[hasbeen]

The Metropolitan Police caught two Arsenal supporters climbing ov er the all at the Emirates Stadium .. told them to go back inside and watch the game .....

 

[hasbeen]

Two guys in the Kop at the 'Pool in 1984. Standing only in those days, shoulder to shoulder , cheek to cheek (as it were).

Spike : I'm dying for a piss Wack.
Wak: See the guy in front of you? Piss in his wellies.
Spike: Won't he notice?
Wak: You didn't.   

 

[Andy]

This week is just getting for John Arne Riise. Merseyside Police have seen him driving on the M62 Motorway and have had to pull him over as he was clearly heading in the wrong direction.

 

[Andy]

LIVERPOOLs John Arne Riise is still inconsolable after his last minute own-goal for Chelsea, despite his girlfriend greeting him at home completely naked on their bed. Apparently, he put it in the wrong end again.

ANY corruption unearthed in the Zimbabwe elections saga could see Robert Mugabe facing a stiff penalty. Fortunately for him, Cristiano Ronaldo is taking it.

BOLTONs El Hadji-Diouf is delighted to be linked with a move to Manchester City, mainly because Citys training ground is within spitting distance of his house.

 

[Atomic]

Q. What do you call a Jets supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant.

Q. What do you call a Jets supporter with no arms and no legs?
A. Trustworthy.

Q. Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A. So they aren't mistaken for Newcastle women.

 

[dantheman2259]

How many perth fans does it take to change a lightbulb?


Both of them

 

[bradley]

Australian Referees....

 

[hasbeen]

Frank Lampard has asked Didier Drogba if he would kindly not attend his Mother's funeral this week. Just in case he dived in the box.

 

[dibo]

 

[T]

I'd like to see them try that on So You Think You Can Dance!!!

 

[dibo]

How do you tittilate an ocelot?















































































































You oscillate its tit a lot.

 

[midfielder]

Redneck Joke

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, 'Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this  year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas , and Earlene got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again.'

Luther asks Billy Bob, 'So, what you gonna do this year that's different?'

Billy Bob says, 'This year I'm taking Earlene with me.'

 

[midfielder]

Voted Best Scottish Short Joke!!


A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, "Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?"

To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, "Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!"

 

[Bear]

Kareem

 

[serious14]

Kareem

HA!!!!  Best joke ever, close thread, shut down the forum, we have a winner.

*waits for Kareem's inevitable retort about Bear and I being scum and having no intellect blah blah blah*

 

[hasbeen]

Q. How many Kareems does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. None. We're better left in the dark. 

 

[Bear]

Q. How do you confuse kareem?

A. Put him in a round room with a shovel and tell him to dig in the corner.

 

[priorpeter]

 

 

[Gopher of Pern]

Q. How many Kareem jokes does it take to deflate his ego?

A. Don't know, it's never happened!

 

[dibo]

leave the kareem shit out now please, you've had your fun.

getting us back on topic, i'll post a joke:

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off:

Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says:

Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....