Ah, the lost art of tackling (sigh), when men were men and tippy toed ballet dancing posers were nervous. You didn't get any of that stick your arse out and make no attempt to play the ball nonsense because you would end up flat on said arse on the ground with a sore ankle, or two, for good measure. Since FIFA issued a world wide ban on aggressive play the hard men have been in decline (another sigh). Monty can tackle, Bosnar too, but the rest just run around and stick out a toe or grab a shirt. Fitz and Trif are eager hard working players who will give everything they have but they can't tackle for toffee. As for Amini, I just hope his German education has shown him how because he could not tackle when he left Bluetongue.
Roy, you've reminded me of this hilarious article from some time ago:
The way football should be!
I'm feeling all angry about these modern day footballers, I know why they have gone all soft - It's because of poncy names. That's what it is.
Remember in the old days, when footy players kicked a f---ing ball made out of ten pound of clay stitched inside a steel-reinforced leather shell with laces made out of piano wire? Well, in them days players could only survive the rigours of the game because they were called things like Albert, Arthur, Bert, Harry, Bill, Eddie, Bob, Jack and Tommy. F---ing tough names for tough men, them was.
And what do we have now? Jason, Wayne, Dean, Ryan, Jamie, Robbie. F---ing tarts' names, they are. Great big f---ing softies. No wonder the ball's like a f---ing balloon and shin pads is like slices of bread.
In the old days you never saw a Len Shackleton or a Billy Wright with a soft little piece of plastic down his little thin socks. F---ing shin pads in them days was made out of library books, and socks was like sackcloth.
Same with the jerseys. f---ing shirts with holes in now so they can breathe. Yes, so that little Jody's hairless chest can breathe and he doesn't get a chill. F--- off. Stanley Matthews used to dribble round Europe's finest wearing a f---ing tent and shorts cobbled together from the jacket of his de-mob suit. Aye, he f---ing did. No wonder players fall over all the time whenever an opponent comes anywhere near them.
And they never used to show their arses at one another either. Can you imagine what might have happened if Don Revie had flashed his ring at Nat Lofthouse during a City-Bolton Wanderers game? He'd have got one of them size-10 hobnail f---ers up his bastard chuff.
F---ing therapy for stress my arse! Stan Collymore slaps his missus about and he takes three seasons off with stress counselling. What the f---is that all about? In the old days it was expected for footballers to belt the old sow about a bit, specially after a bad defeat. And the women used to expect it, and so they should have. They was lucky to be married to footballers.
Ha! Trevor Morley got a kitchen knife in his back off his wife and was out of action for three month. Soft twat. Archie McShitt of Port Vale got run over with horse and cart one Friday night and he still turned out against Bradford the following day. And he scored two goals. That's cos his name wasn't "Trevor". Good old Archie. Broke his hip, both his legs, murdered his wife and buried her under the patio and still made the England team for the Home Internationals. Did he have any "stress counselling"? Did he bollocks!
And drugs? There was none of that in the old days. Oh, no. In them days it was a quick shot of morphine before kick-off and you was lucky if you got that. By half-time it had all but wore off so they pumped you full of laudanum. None of this cocaine sniffing and shooting up class A narcotics.
I know. Me dad told me.
Goal celebrations? Don't talk to me about goal celebrations. Crawlin’ on the floor and thrusting their hips at the crowd. Huh! I'd like to have seen Cliff Bastin do that after a run down the left flank and crossing for Alex James to fire home a winner. Handshakes...and that was all got.
Sixty grand a f---ing week! Ha! I wouldn't pay 'em tuppence. Two bob Tommy Lawton used to get...a month! And Tom Finney still worked as a plumber four days a week when he was playing for England. It's true, you know. F---ing is. Players had to work them days just to make up their money. Not like today. Stan Pearson had to clean sewers and doubled up as Old Trafford shithouse cleaner. He had to go off during one game because some bastard had built a log cabin and blocked the U-bend. And that Eddie Hapgood was a male model...though he never liked to talk about it.
So I say we start calling kids real male names again.
If you're having a kid, don't even consider soft names and shite names like what people call their kids these days. Otherwise what we gonna get in twenty years' time? The England team full of players called Keanu, Ronan, Ashley and f---ing Chesney. F--- that! Call your kids Alf, Herbert, Len, Frank, Fred and Wilf. And let's get the softies out of the game once and for all.
I thank you.