Insults with Class

[midfielder]

When Insults Had Class  Dibo rejoice in using English ... glorious insults from a bye gone era when cleverness with words was  still valued, before a great portion of the English language got  boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle  fingers.

Enjoy .....

The exchange between Churchill  & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you  poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink  it."

A member of Parliament to  Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some  unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on  whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter  Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike  and none of the vices I admire." -  Winston  Churchill

"A modest little person, with much  to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have  never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great  pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has  never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the  dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest  Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really  think big emotions come from big words?"  - Ernest Hemingway  (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you  for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading  it." - Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words  into the smallest idea of any man I know."  -  Abraham  Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but  I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark  Twain

"He has no enemies, but is  intensely disliked by his friends." -Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my  new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard  Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot  possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is  one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so  miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -  Stephen Bishop

"He is a  self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of  dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"There's  nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E.  Leonard

"He has the attention span of a  lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

"In order  to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -  Charles, Count Talleyrand

"Why do  you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"  - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him  away and kept the stork." -Mae West

"Some  cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -  Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken  man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. " -  Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has  Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had  a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it." -Groucho  Marx

 

[Honkee]

When Insults Had Class  Dibo rejoice in using English ... glorious insults from a bye gone era when cleverness with words was  still valued, before a great portion of the English language got  boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle  fingers.

Enjoy .....

The exchange between Churchill  & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you  poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink  it."

A member of Parliament to  Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some  unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on  whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter  Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike  and none of the vices I admire." -  Winston  Churchill

"A modest little person, with much  to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have  never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great  pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has  never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the  dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest  Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really  think big emotions come from big words?"  - Ernest Hemingway  (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you  for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading  it." - Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words  into the smallest idea of any man I know."  -  Abraham  Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but  I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark  Twain

"He has no enemies, but is  intensely disliked by his friends." -Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my  new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard  Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot  possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is  one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so  miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -  Stephen Bishop

"He is a  self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of  dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"There's  nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E.  Leonard

"He has the attention span of a  lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

"In order  to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -  Charles, Count Talleyrand

"Why do  you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"  - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him  away and kept the stork." -Mae West

"Some  cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -  Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken  man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. " -  Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has  Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had  a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it." -Groucho  Marx

"Your Mum." Honkee 

My fav though was something along the lines of

"We didnt see eye to eye on religion, He thought he was God and I disagreed"

No idea who said it though.

 

[Arabmariner]

Yer heed's full o wee shops and they're all shut !

 

[Tittirongi]

"Don't be so humble, you are not that great" - Golda Meir

 

[Dr Nick]

Sorry you seem to have been possessed. By an idiot

 

[FFC Mariner]

Baldrick, you wouldn't recognize a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on a harpsicord singing 'subtle plans are here again'.

 

[Atomic]

Father Jack Hackett: FECK OFF!

Now that's an insult with class! 

 

[clarence]

I think it was Winston Churchill who had this great exchange of words with a society Lady. went something like this...

Lady:"My dear Mr. Churchill YOU are Drunk!"

Winston: "And you, my lady, are ugly, but at least I will be sober in the morning."

 

[Arabmariner]

Too many words in most of these imo.

"Tosser" does the job just fine 

 

[Dr Nick]

The best Italian your club ever signed is the chef

 

[FFC Mariner]

He cannot kick with his left foot, he cannot head a ball, he cannot tackle and he doesnt score many goals. Apart from that hes all right.
George Best sums up the many talents of David Beckham.

Somebody compared him to Billy McNeil, but I dont remember Billy being crap.
Tommy Docherty, the legendary football coach, on Rangers Italian flop Lorenzo Amoruso in 2000.

He covers every blade of grass, but thats only because his first touch is crap.
Dave Jones, the football manager, is honest about Carlton Palmers skills.

You were a crap player, you are a crap manager. The only reason I have any dealings with you is that somehow you are manager of my country and youre not even Irish, you English ****. You can stick it up your bollocks.
What Roy Keane allegedly said to Mick McCarthy, the Ireland manager, that got him sent home from the 2002 World Cup

"Don't bother son, you won't be out there long enough."

Fred Trueman to a new Australia batsman during an Ashes Test who had turned to shut the gate after coming on to the pitch.

"So how are your wife and my kids?" "The wife's fine, the kids are retarded."

An exchange between Rod Marsh, the Australia wicketkeeper, and Ian Botham, the England all-rounder

"Why are you so fat?" "Because every time I f*** your wife she gives me a biscuit."

Exchange between Glenn McGrath, the Australia bowler, and Eddo Brandes, the large Zimbabwean cricketer.

 

[hasbeen]

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception -  Groucho Marx

 

[Atomic]

“He cannot kick with his left foot, he cannot head a ball, he cannot tackle and he doesn’t score many goals. Apart from that he’s all right.”
George Best sums up the many talents of David Beckham.

Becks and I have similar games... I find that reassuring.